Here’s an Irish joke: what do Rihanna and a Free Presbyterian Ulster farmer have in common? Give up? The answer: absolutely nothing.

Rihanna in Ulster barley field

On Wednesday, The Times reported that Rihanna was ordered off a barley field for what farmer Alan Graham (61) deemed as “inappropriate behaviour”. In other words, she took her clothes off. I have to say I’m with him, here. I grew up in Ulster and I never considered taking my clothes off in a field to be an appropriate behaviour. Too bloody cold and wet.

And quite why Rihanna’s entourage considered a field near Bandit Country – as it was known in the good old days – as appropriate for anything involving the 23 year-old R&B star, God only knows.

Bizarrely, this was their chosen location to shoot footage for her new single “We Found Love”. Historically, the only things of interest to have been shot in the vicinity were a couple of incompetent UVF volunteers and the odd fox.

It’s a sign of how much has changed in the Province that the matter was raised at Stormont. Peter Robinson was asked whether he considered if farmer Graham’s sanction would adversely affect Ireland’s stake in the entertainment industry.

Not half as much as what your wife got up to, Mr Robinson.

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