Saving Dave, and the ten positivos of COVID

It’s a long time since I last blogged.

Of course, to many of you the silence may have been golden, but with an “event horizon” looming close, it’s time to put finger to keyboard once again.

And what, you may be wondering – or then again you may not – is this “event horizon”, and just how does it concern you?

Well, here it is … drumroll … next Friday, my second novel, Saving Dave will be published, both as a paperback and an e-book.

And how does this concern you? Well, your role is threefold: firstly to tip over to Amazon and buy a reasonably priced copy. Secondly to read and enjoy it, and thirdly to return to Amazon and Goodreads, and tell the world how much you enjoyed it, gilding your review with the same number of stars as Leinster will have on their jerseys, following their completion of this year’s European Cup campaign.

And the generosity of your purchase and comments will not go unrewarded; the first three people to give Saving Dave a five-star review will have their names entered into a prize draw, and the lucky winner will receive the much coveted prize of a free copy of the sequel. I can’t say fairer than that, can I?

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Let’s leave Dave aside for a moment and talk about other stuff.

The Chinese Flu.

Yes, it’s still with us, lingering like the smell of fart in a windowless bathroom and restricting our civil liberties.

I’ve been in Marbs for a couple of months now, where things are thankfully fairly normal. Pubs, bars and restaurants are open and the green shoots of tourism (although mainly German) are starting to blossom.

It’s a grim old day, today. The sky is leaden and bears more prospect of rain than of sun; a cool breeze blows down from La Concha, and the Mediterranean radiates similar warmth to an Atlantic welcome on a summer’s day in Donegal.

I digress.

The Chinese flu.

It may surprise you to know – not being one renowned for positivity – that I have come up with a list of ten positives brought about by this pandemic. Here we go:

1. Remote working. Although not all of you will share this view, for me teaching English via the Interweb has been a Godsend. Although I was reluctant to dip my toe into the world of technological giggery pokery at the onset, I now embrace it. No travel … out of bed and into the yoke of work within the blink of an eye … the ability to work from anywhere there’s a decent wifi connection. Job’s a goodun. I, for one, have absolutely no intention of going back to person-to-person teaching. No way Jose.
2. Travel. If you have to travel in a pandemic, it’s a vastly less unpleasant experience than it was before the Chinese flu came to town. No queues, no need to buy a seat on a Ryanair flight – the cost of which equates to the cost of its manufacture – and no delays, because hardly anyone’s flying. Wonderful. My only caveat to this is the blatant profiteering and inconvenience of the obligatory COVID tests. To avoid the necessity for this is the only reason I’m going to have the vaccine.
3. No hen or stag dos in town, therefore no piles of Brit vomit to circumnavigate.
4. The service has improved. I used to ask a friend to order me a pint in my local, the Moët, a week before I arrived, and this was about the right time to place your order. But last night my pinta arrived in less time than it would take Usain Bolt to complete the hundred yard dash.
5. Under the current martial law restrictions, bars and restaurants must close at ten-thirty and the curfew starts at eleven. Perfecto … I don’t want to be out after ten-thirty, and it gets the dope-smoking, corner-urinating, boombox playing scallies out of our square and off the streets by eleven.
6. There are fewer black fellas attempting to flog their knock-off junk on the beach. This is due, at least in part, to a greater police presence, ostensibly to enforce this mask wearing nonsense.
7. The gyms are open, and if you choose the time of your visit prudently – in other words, during the siesta – you can avoid the tattooed hoards.
8. Silencio. The nights are so quiet that I can fall asleep to the sound of waves breaking on the beach instead of Pedro going home on his unsilenced moped.
9. Social distancing. I’ve always seen this as a distinct positive – and always will do.
10. The reduced furore over climate change has removed that irritating little school-dodger, Theta Grunberg – or whatever she’s called – from the media eye.

So there you have it, chicos … a rare bout of positivity from yours truly.

Please put a note in your diary to head over to Amazon next Friday – that’s the 16^th – and grab a copy of Saving Dave. And don’t be shy about that all-important review. You never know … you could be that lucky prize-draw winner!

Hasta pronto amigos!