WILL THE LIONS ROAR DOWN UNDER?

A lot of people have asked me what my take is on the British & Irish Lions selection. And that, I’ll admit, is not because I could be classed as an expert, but perhaps rather more to do with the fact that my views are known to be a bit… well, controversial. Saying what I think on most matters usually stirs up a bit of a debate.

I’m in Grodkow at the moment and don’t have much to do other than count the days until the operation on my sinuses and I get some quality of life back.

Yes… it’s been that bad. And before you say it, yes I know I moan a lot, but this really has been hell.

Back to the Lions.

My first bit of controversy is that in my opinion, the Lions should not exist. They are irrelevant, extraneous, and have little meaning in the contemporary status of the rugby world.

They belong to the pre-professional era, when international players met and trained on a Thursday, then went for a few beers. Then on the Friday, they had a thing called “The Captain’s Run” when the captain basically decided (if he was a forward) that the backs would see as little of the ball as possible on Saturday afternoon (“we’re going to keep it tight, lads”). Then they’d go for another few beers (a shandy or an orange juice if you were a back) and run out on Saturday afternoon, handing their last cigarette to the touch judge and trying to remember team mates’ names.

The Good Old Days.

And once every four years, a party of tourists representing the four home nations would be selected, pack their knapsacks and set off to physically intimidate southern hemisphere opposition in the form of New Zealand, South Africa or Australia.

There would be a few “warm up” games for the “dirt trackers” – those members of the party who were only included so that one or other nation would not complain about being under-represented. Then the real business in the form of a three or sometimes four test series, would begin.

And if you know anything about the illustrious history of the Lions, you will know that while winning the series was important, not taking a backward step even if it meant resorting to extreme physical violence, was the tourists’ Holy Grail.

Take the 1974 tour to South Africa. The Lions won 21 of their 22 matches and went through the tour undefeated. This was a four-test series, and they drew the final match, despite the South African referee disallowing a clear Fergus Slattery try, and ending the match four minutes early when the Lions were camped on the opposition try line. When quizzed about this, the referee commented, ‘I have to live here.’

The 1974 squad became known as ‘The Invincibles’ and regarded as the greatest rugby tourists in history, but what was most memorable about the tour was the “99” call. When this was called by the captain, Willie John McBride, the entire team was licenced to punch the nearest opponent, and to keep punching opponents until some sort of equilibrium was restored. The logic to this was that the referee would have to either send the entire team off, or send no one off. This came about because in the warm up games, the sole aim of the opposition was to injure as many Lions as possible, so this call to arms was triggered by self-preservation. McBride, in his memoir My Life claims that he called it only once, but the message that the Lions were more than willing to protect themselves got through loud and clear.

So, there’s a lot of folklore and history connected with the Lions and you’re probably wondering why I stated that they should not exist.

The answer to that is that Lions’ tours are no longer relevant to modern, professional rugby, because there is too much else going on, and creating and training a touring party… melding them into a competitive unit good enough to beat some of the best teams in the world doesn’t matter in the way it did before players got paid for playing.

And there’s another reason: the appointment of Andy Farrell as Lions’ Head Coach almost certainly cost Ireland a record third consecutive 6N Championship, as his successor, Simon Easterby, wasn’t up to the job.

And finally, back in the amateur days, for one of the four home nations to defeat a southern hemisphere team was a rare occurrence. Now it is much less so – a touring Australian outfit recently lost to Scotland and Ireland – should have lost to England – and only recorded a win over an incompetent Welsh side. Ireland have recorded a run of wins over New Zealand and beat South Africa in their backyard last summer, and even England came close to winning in New Zealand.

The British & Irish Lions that will play three tests in Australia in July and early August will be a much weaker side than the team that each of the home nations (with the exception of Wales) could field.

Therefore, the Lions can no longer be seen as the pinnacle of a player’s rugby career.

And before you tell me that that is nonsense, let’s look at it from another perspective. Let’s say that once every four years, a touring party made up of New Zealanders, South Africans, and Australians visited the northern hemisphere to take on one of the home nations. Would they be able to field a stronger side than each home nation could field? No… of course they wouldn’t, and this is my point.

But it’s only once every four years, I hear you say… and there’s nothing much going on at that time is there?

No, there isn’t. Because there is already more than sufficient demand on players unless, of course, you play for Leinster. But the Lions exist because of tradition, and because no one has the balls to put an end to it… yet. And of course, one reason for this is that you never shoot the gift horse who lays the golden egg, and Lions tours present huge commercial opportunities, mainly for the hosts.

Let’s get to the touring party.

If you wanted to choose a captain to please the Wallabies, Itoje would be the man for the job.

First I’m going to share my opinions as to who should and shouldn’t have been selected, and then I’m going to tell you who should start the first test in Brisbane on 19^th July.

Let’s start with the captain, Maro Itoje. This was Andy Farrell’s first mistake, and I’d like to think that Itoje only got the job because Caelan Doris will be out of the game for six months with a shoulder injury. If you wanted to choose a captain to please the Wallabies, Itoje would be the man for the job. They’ll be rubbing their hands, salivating at the number of penalties he’ll give away, the number of referees he will irritate and the negative affect this will have on his team. What you don’t want in a captain is a whingeing, wind-upable liability, and this is exactly what we’ve got. In addition to being a penalty magnet, Itoje is lazy and a cheat; and – unlike Richie McCaw – he’s neither a discreet nor an effective cheat. McCaw had referees in his pocket – Itoje is on a comparable wavelength with referees as Putin is with the Midget Dictator. Players who throw opponents’ boots off the pitch, or stamp on an opponent’s foot when squaring up to them do not endear themselves to officialdom. And as for turning up at the team announcement ceremony wearing his granny’s chandelier earring? As Nigel Owens once famously said, ‘This is not soccer!’

Let’s move on from the captaincy.

You’ll be surprised that I concur with the majority of Andy Farrell’s selections. Well… apart from a few:

To include Sione Tuipulotu and to exclude Robbie Henshaw makes little sense to me. Tuipulotu has played very little rugby this season and has yet to prove his fitness. He is a fine player when fit, but Henshaw is a finer player, and he is fit.

Even as an Irishman, I have to question the inclusion of Mack Hansen. For sure he’s a mercurial player, but his stock is down this season and I would have picked Darcy Graham instead.

I wouldn’t have picked Duhan van der Merwe and that’s because he’s one of those players who plays well against certain opponents and poorly against others. For example, he always plays well against England, but not Australia… and where is the touring party headed? But as you’ll see, he won’t make my test selection, so it’s not a problem.

I would have picked Sam Prendergast. Okay, he is still very much a work in progress, and his defence – particularly against Northampton – is truly woeful. But he was outstanding for Ireland against Australia, and a Lions tour would have advanced his skills, confidence and his career exponentially.

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not a fan of Henry Proctor. Too much showboating; he’s fast becoming the Princess Di of the rugby world, and I would put his inclusion down to media pressure. He’s played around thirty minutes of International Rugby against a poor, battered Welsh side, and had a few stand-out Premiership games where tackling is mostly optional. Note that I didn’t say I wouldn’t have picked him; I’m hopeful that he will grow up a bit, and the tour will knock some of the cockiness out of him. But he does possess elements that you cannot coach: pace and vision; and his desire to be in the spotlight generally gets him there. I think we’ll learn a lot about him over the summer.

Now, I know that a lot of you English will be moaning about the omission of the following:

Henry Slade, Ollie Lawrence, Fraser Dingwall, George Ford and even Owen Farrell. But Farrell senior was quite correct to leave them behind – they’re just not good enough.

I wouldn’t have picked either Jac Morgan nor Tomos Williams, but I suspect these two were only included because there had to be some Welsh representation. I would have opted for Jack Willis and Connor Murray instead.

Oh… one other thing. I wouldn’t have Marcus Smith on the plane. But that’s personal – I just don’t like him.

Other than that, I think that Farrell got his selection pretty much spot-on, particularly in the forwards.

And so… drumroll… that brings me to the team I would select to face the Wallabies in the first test in Brisbane on 19^th July.

1. Andrew Porter
2. Dan Sheehan
3. Tadhg Furlong
4. Maro Itoje (c), NB Only selected because of captaincy
5. Tadhg Beirne
6. Tom Curry
7. Josh van der Flier
8. Jack Conan
9. Jamison Gibson-Park
10. Fin Smith
11. James Lowe
12. Bundee Aki
13. Garry Ringrose
14. Tommy Freeman
15. Hugo Keenan

THE BENCH

1. Pierre Schoeman
2. Zander Fagerson
3. Ronan Kelleher
4. Joe McCarthy
5. Henry Pollock
6. Blair Kinghorn
7. Alex Mitchell
8. Elliot Daly

RATIONALE:

• Yes, I have selected 11 Ireland and 4 England players for the starting line-up. Here’s why: over the past three seasons, Ireland have won a 6N Grand Slam, a Championship, and a Triple Crown. They have won 13 from 15 6N matches. England finally showed some progress last season, losing only one game (to Ireland) to finish second behind France. What have Scotland achieved, other than defeating Australia? Well, that was enough to get three players onto my bench. What have Wales achieved? Nothing. No wins… no representation.
• You will see that, despite my reservations, I have Henry Pollock on my bench. Let’s have a look at him early at meaningful test level, and see what he’s actually capable of.
• Tom Curry usually plays 7, but I’m picking him at 6 (where he has ample experience) to give more pace and turnover potential in the back row. If it doesn’t go to plan, Tadhg Beirne could move to 6 and Joe McCarthy replace him in the second row.

PREDICTIONS:

• The Lions will win all three tests, but are unlikely to become the first Lions’ team in history to win all of their games. They play ten matches, starting against Argentina in Dublin on Friday 20^th June and finishing with the Third Test in Sydney on Saturday 2^nd August.
• Andy Farrell has left a couple of seats vacant on the plane. I hope he doesn’t give his son one of them, but I have an inkling that he will.
• Maro Itoje will piss several referees off, and receive at least one yellow card. Probably more.

STENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:

AUSTRALIAN STRENGTHS:      Back row, centres and counterattacking abilities

AUSTRALIAN WEAKNESSES:   Half backs

LIONS’ STRENGTHS:    Set piece and turnover capabilities

LIONS’ WEAKNESSES: Lack of pace in the backs

FINAL COMMENTS:

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’m sure many of you will not concur with my selections, so please feel free to leave a comment below and share some of your opinions.

Let’s finish with a little bit of fun:

QUESTION:      Who do you consider to have been the worst player ever to have represented the British and Irish Lions?

MY ANSWER:  Ugo Monye

Chic@s… Hasta pronto!